Desires ……

The helium balloon seller at the Rose Festival drove my mind back to some 20 years. My memories drifted to an area in Doha known as Mughalina where a child was playing with a helium balloon in the courtyard of the residential compound. He had been dreaming of the multicolored heart shaped balloons with the picture of his favorite cartoon character Mickey mouse ever since it was shown in the advertisements of the carnival. This was different from any other balloon. It just rises to the sky and flies away once you leave it and creates the  impression  that you are in command holding the power to release it. His only pbjective  of going to the carnival was to buy the balloon. But his father was initially hesitant as he didn’t find the desire of his child so convincing . But the child used the most  efficacious  weapon in a child’s armory which no parent can combat. He started crying at a high pitch and it took just a matter of minutes for his father to change his mind. He got his much awaited gift. He raised it to the sky holding the string . "No, I won’t let you fly. You can only fly as much as I allow you". He never took his eyes off it. Such was its beauty that the glamour and glitters of the carnival just dissipated in front of it. He tied it to his right hand and was afraid even to change hands lest it might escape. Even after returning home when his family was dining, he was outside playing with it and raising it to the sky. Gazing at it with the stars and the moon in the background was so alluring. The mood had never been so jovial and the stars so charming .

But just like a needle popping a soap bubble, his dream crumbled to dust all on sudden . The string tied to his hand snapped and the balloon flew away to the never ending horizon. He just stood there motionless like a statue for about 5 minutes. He could not understand what had happened. He pinched himself to ensure that he was not dreaming. He felt as if his world had turned upside down. He had lost his hard fought gift just like that. Slowly the fear of facing others crept to his mind . He couldn’t face his father, mother, siblings and the neighbors as a loser. His little mind thought of ways to escape the agony. He decided to run away and went towards the compound gate, but the security guard was there. Therefore he decided to hide in the car porch and wait for the security guard to sleep. In the meantime his parents had sensed his long time absence and had begun to look for him . The whole colony woke up and started searching for him. Children joined elders calling him by his name and earnestly requesting him to come out. His mind became filled with guilt and shame. Tears started wetting his tender cheeks. His weak heart could withstand it no more. He decided to run towards the gate. But by that time his father found him at his hiding place, ran towards him , took him in his arms and kissed him on his cheeks in front of the much relieved residents of the compound. His mother was waiting at home in tears. She could not stop  weeping even after finding his missing child unhurt. It took a few minutes for her to believe her eyes . She took him to his bed and he soon fell asleep.

I just told you of my first attempt to abscond. When I ponder over it now I feel how silly I was to think of abandoning everything so dear to me , just to escape the agony of losing something as simple as a balloon. But this is the way that human mind works. Every one of us has this feeling in the heart of our hearts. We never like to part with our likes. The feeling of losing something we like is so strong in human mind that he would sacrifice everything, even his life to hold on to it. On July 18, 2006 the former football player V P Satyan committed suicide writing a note that he was vexed in his life as he had lost his wealth and was also addicted to drinking and gambling. This is just an example of the vast number of such incidents .Husband does not turn up to take his wife to the theatre on the wedding anniversary day as promised, wife commits suicide; salty dish preparation annoys mother in law, daughter in law commits suicide; father forgets to purchase new clothes for birthday, son commits suicide; mother does not permit her daughter to go for picnic, daughter commits suicide ; so on and so forth.

Human desires keep on growing one after the other. I cannot remember how many times I have prayed, Oh God, fulfill this need of mine, I would be the happiest person in the world. Once it is fulfilled another one pops in . I think I use this excuse almost every day. My  higher studies , examinations, competitions, ambitions, marriage and the list never ends. Rightly said by Aristotle that, “It is the nature of desire not to be satisfied, and most men live only to gratify it”. Despite being proclaimed as the most powerful and determined creature on earth due to his Giga mind, it is his mind that renders him the weakest of all creatures . His desire for the material pleasures makes him vulnerable. “How helpless we are, like netted birds , when we are caught by desire” , Belva Plain.

But man devoid of desires is nothing . I tried to cleanse my mind of desires. But then I realized that it is these desires that have sustained so far. I wake up every day to fulfill my desires. People without desires are like a cut loose kite, flying but lifeless. I had tried to sleep without any longing for the next day. But then I understood why I should wake up at all. Like an Arab saying goes, “Dwell not upon thy weariness, thy strength shall be according to the measure thy desires”. It is only when your desire overpowers yourself and you fails to attain them, that most of the people are thrown into chaos. Controlling ones desires is easier said than done as Aristotle once said, “ I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who overcomes his enemies”.

By the eldest son